setback2comeback

500+ for 50 – day 18: perfect vision

“Faith is the ability to see the invisible and believe in the incredible and that is what enables believers to receive what the masses think is impossible.” (Clarence Smithison)

Perhaps one of the greatest challenges for any man is the necessary creation of a well-defined vision of the future accomplishments that he wishes to achieve throughout the course of his life.  Most people are circumstantial thinkers.  They live within the confines of their present surroundings.  And while there’s something to be said about appreciating the “now”, if you want to swim in a bigger pond, you’ll need to see yourself outside of the fish bowl in which you currently reside.  You’ll need to start living the life you wish to have years from now today in your mind.  Unless you are willing to see it, you will never achieve it.  To realize success, you must first define your vision.

Many people don’t know where they’re going or what they truly want out of life.  They simply follow society’s course load until they arrive in a full time working position that will serve to provide them with the resources necessary to reach life’s next defined milestone.  It’s a shame, but often we become so wrapped up in the process that we forget to slow down and define what it is that we really wish to achieve.  It’s no wonder why so many people find themselves feeling lost and miserable in their careers many years into their working lives.  Did they ever stop to create a vision for their future?  Or did they simply start down a path with no real destination in mind, hoping that somehow they’d attain happiness and fulfillment as a result of their willingness to trudge forward on life’s curriculum?

Growing up I had absolutely no idea what it was that I wanted to be.  I only knew that I loved sports and that for the foreseeable future I wanted to promote every opportunity that I had to further my opportunities to excel in them.  My passion was football.  Unfortunately, football is not a feasible career path for the average individual.  Less than one tenth of 1% of all high school players will ever be drafted to play in the NFL.  And that wasn’t really my dream anyway.  I had my eyes set on a Division 1 collegiate scholarship.  What I wasn’t thinking about was life after graduation.  I wanted to put that off as long as I possibly could.  I was not ready to deal with making a decision on what would be my life’s work.

When I graduated college, I started down a path, following a paycheck and an opportunity to excel in a competitive environment.  But I never really had a final destination in mind.  I was just living my circumstances and trying to make every effort to get ahead in life…one step closer to the next milestone.  And that mindset and course of action prevailed for the next six years of my life until the day that I finally collapsed under the weight of a pile of adversity and surrendered my life to God.  When I came to know Christ, I was led to a whole new mission for my future that I had never even thought about before.  And I realized that without faith, there really could have been no true plan or course of action established in my life.

My relationship with God allowed me to develop a vision for my future that freed me from the pressure and burden that I felt under society’s conventional system of personal growth evaluation.  I came to realize that there would be no one who could more accurately measure my success in this life than God Himself.  So I set out to embrace the talents and skills that He had offered me in an effort to share my gifts with the world and fulfill His calling for my life.  I had defined my final destination – it was at home with Him.  But I also hoped to make some fulfilling pit stops along the way.  And those required a bit more imagination and mapping on my part.

Unfortunately, I always seemed to encounter lots of trouble envisioning my future successes in life.  Admittedly, I was very much trapped in my own fish bowl.  It felt as though I was regularly fighting tirelessly to simply tread water.  And I grew deeply involved with those feelings of confinement, thereby further limiting the vision of what my future might entail.  Rather than closing my eyes and allowing my imagination to dream me off to my destiny, I made the mistake of gazing out the window, or even worse, looking back into the rearview mirror.  And what I saw discouraged me.  It held me hostage.  I would never escape if I wasn’t able to effectively visualize better outcomes.

Then one day while I was watching The Secret I was introduced to the concept of a vision board.  A vision board is a visual representation of the goals and accomplishments that you desire to achieve in your life.  It’s a simple thing to create.  All that you need are a bunch of magazines and photos, a blank piece of poster board, and a glue stick.  Simply cut out the imagery representative of all that you wish to embody and achieve in your future and then glue those images onto the board as you desire.  Finally, hang your vision board someplace where you can engage it multiple times throughout your day.  Your finished product will serve as a visual depiction of your future, and it will act as a tremendously useful resource for stimulating your imagination process and developing your focus. 

Sometimes the view from the window is simply not going to be a fair representation of the direction that we wish to head with our lives.  So it’s critical that we utilize our imagination to envision the life that we seek beyond our present circumstances.  If we wish to swim in a bigger pond, we have to also be willing to view ourselves as a bigger fish.  And we need to really get involved in the feelings of freedom that we embody in those moments when we are able to effectively imagine the realization of our dreams.  Because when a committed vision and faith get together, miracles are bound to occur.

I’ve seen things in my own life that have absolutely blown me away.  The vision boards that I created back in 2011 still hang above my desk in my home office space today.  And when I review them each morning, I’m able to note several items that I’ve already been able to check off of my list of goals to be accomplished…many of which I never had any idea how I’d be able to attain.  God works in mysterious, magical ways, my friends.  If you allow Him to define your vision and then focus your heart and soul on all that you desire with unwavering faith in His ability to bring those things to pass in your life, there will be no limits to your success.  And you will live a life that is rich and fulfilling in every way.

We need to dream like a child who lives by faith and not by sight.  If we are willing to “see the invisible and believe in the incredible” then surely we will have every opportunity to “receive what the masses think is impossible.” 

May God Bless!

500+ for 50 – day 17: waiting on fear

Most of us at one point or another during the course of our lives have worked in the service business.  So even if service is not truly a direct part of your vocation today, there’s a strong likelihood that sometime perhaps when you were younger you were employed to cater to the needs of others.  Maybe you waited on tables, cleaned rooms at a hotel, caddied at a golf resort, or worked as a valet at a local night club?  When I was in high school I worked at a local pizza place where I wore many hats.  I cooked food, washed dishes, interacted with customers at the front counter, and made countless delivery runs. I certainly didn’t love my job description then, but now looking back on that time of my life I can most definitely see the value of the experience.

An introduction to the service industry is an introduction to life.  It’s a vocation that gives you the opportunity to interact with and get to know a variety of people on a daily basis.  It forces you to set aside your insecurities and worries to provide for the desires and needs of others.  After all, it’s your job to ensure that your company’s clientele has an enjoyable and memorable experience while interacting with you.  And that fact remains true regardless of your current mood or circumstances.  For the duration of the customer’s visit, they are meant to take priority over everything else going on in your life.  Your goal is to provide the best service possible to ensure that they return to your establishment again and again, requesting you personally by name.

Not all customers are built the same.  So the real beauty of the service professional lies in his ability to adapt to the unique needs of the clientele that he works with in his position.  Every day is certain to bring new challenges.  To excel in such a profession, you need to have a sincere love for people and a willingness to put the needs of others before your own.  Some clients will earn your respect and mutual adoration.  Others will be more difficult to handle.  And despite your best efforts to cater to their every need, some customers will be rude, condescending, and will make it well known that their intention is simply to walk all over you.

If you’ve ever waited on tables in a restaurant before, you know the type. The customer walks in demanding the best table in the house, yet still complains about the noise, or the lighting, or the view out the window.  He makes every step of the ordering process painful, critiquing the menu and making obnoxious special requests.  But you maintain your calm and smile politely, doing everything in your kind nature to accommodate him.  Unfortunately it’s never enough.  The food is undercooked or overdone, the presentation doesn’t match his expectations, and the check does not accurately represent what he had anticipated.  With every trip back to the kitchen you take a huge deep breath, praying that he’ll just pay the bill and relieve you of the torment.  Then finally, following a snide remark or two about how the restaurant could upgrade its menu, he leaves the table.  And behind he leaves his payment, void of any tip for your service whatsoever.

Life in itself has its own unruly, disgruntled customer. Its name is fear.  And it threatens to barge into your establishment at any time and start demanding that you cater to its each and every whim.  While you may make your livelihood servicing the needs of others, you are not in the business of waiting on fear.  Fear will make unreasonable demands on each and every visit.  It will rob you of any joy that you could possibly find in your “work” because it offers no potential reward for your compliance with its demands.  And I assure you, fear is not a good tipper.  If you spend your time chasing around its requests, you will miss out on the opportunity to interact with the good customers who are walking in the door.  Fear will demand your full attention.  It will run you absolutely ragged if you allow it.

That’s why it’s critical that you post a sign at the door of your mind affirming your stance on such clientele.  Just like “No Shoes, No Shirt, No Service”, in this establishment there is “No Fear Allowed”.  Because when you start allowing fear to dictate your actions, you will undoubtedly lose your ability to service the other more important aspects of your life.  When you cater to fear, you allow it to take charge of the operations of your business.  And in a short time, all that will remain are fragments of the framework that led to your success.  Fear takes no prisoners.  It will run your mind bankrupt in an instant if you allow it access to the register.  It is not to be trusted within the front door, let alone behind the counter.

Fear creates clutter and chaos in the mind.  It seeks to limit and confine you.  And more than anything it seeks to control your every move since it desperately desires to be the driving force behind all of your decisions.  So it’s critical that you make every effort to deny it any service in your life.  But if by chance you’ve already allowed it to be seated in your section (as most of us have at one point or another) you need to resist its unruly demands to take you on its wild, unforgiving ride.  Set boundaries on your priorities.  Commit to remaining true to yourself.  Do not let fear ridicule you and cause you to settle for an image that is less than what you know yourself to be. Tell it to dine elsewhere.  Fear cannot be trusted and it is not welcome in your establishment.  So set the tone upfront so that it understands never to return again.

Don’t spend another moment of your life waiting on fear when success is at the door just waiting to be seated…clear your section and start servicing the needs of those things which will bear fruit in your life.

May God Bless!

500+ for 50 – day 16: risky business

Since I began my blog back in 2011, I’ve had a lot of people come to me and express their admiration for the vulnerability that I offer in my writing.  If you’ve had the opportunity to read any of my previous posts, you’ve seen that I conceal very little about who I am.  There’s no doubt that I’m a flawed human being – that’s very evident in the story that I have to share.  But I don’t view my perceived weaknesses as traits that I need to hide from the public eye.  I delight in my flaws because they are what make me, me.  They’re the gifts that I’ve been blessed with that allow me to have a unique story to share.  My story is one that often leads to the empowerment of others and it also allows me to follow more closely alongside my Creator in my journey towards liberating my soul.  Why would I ever view myself as being afflicted when I receive so much in return for what others consider pain and hardship?

Unfortunately, not everyone is able to view my writing as I do.  Over the last few years I’ve had a handful of “supporters” question the passion with which I write and the nature of the delicate personal subject matter that I openly offer to my audience.  They perceive my writing as being potentially intimidating to others and they fear the judgment and scrutiny that I might receive as a result of my honesty.  And then in an effort to protect me, they offer their advice on what is or is not acceptable in the eyes of the world.  What they fail to remember is that I’ve made a conscious decision not to follow the world, but to follow Christ.  And His judgment and His plan are the only things that carry any meaning with me.  I know that if I am listening to God, my life will head in the direction that He has intended, and that’s all that truly matters to me.

Some people might consider what I do a risky undertaking…putting myself out there and inviting criticism and judgment in both my personal life and perhaps even in my professional career.  But I don’t worry about those things.  I find that there is a far greater risk involved with me choosing to avoid taking action on my life’s calling than there is in sharing a story that some might view as unique or flawed.  I understand fully that not everyone will appreciate the experiences and inspirational guidance that I have to offer.  That’s absolutely fine.  But there will be some people who will feel moved by what I write.  And perhaps it will be my writing that motivates them to make a commitment to the pursuit of their own goals and dreams, to their own personal liberation.  You never know how you can impact the direction of a person’s life in a positive way.  You can only put the very best of YOU out there and hope that something sticks.  God has told me many times, “Matt, if you work your whole life and serve to aid in saving just one person’s life, you’ve done your part.”

I might never know how many wins and losses I’ve accumulated as a result of my writing.  But I’m not the one keeping score, so I really have no concern with that.  There will at times be critics and people who choose not to involve themselves in my life because of the faith-led passion with which I live and speak.  Those individuals are not likely to benefit from any service that I provide as a direct result of who I am, and it’s not probable that I am going to gain much from their presence either.  But on the flipside, there will be individuals whom I will attract to my life both personally and professionally as a result of my writing.  And they will arrive at a far faster rate than those who disappear.  Such individuals will bring tremendous value to my world and will bear great fruit in my life.  And I can only hope that I will do the same in theirs.  God will provide.  I trust that His plan will lead me to far more victories than defeats when it’s all said and done.

So to those whom it may concern:  I assure you, there is no need to worry.  I have no fear in revealing my perceived inadequacies to the scrutinizing eyes of those around me.  I don’t see any risk in being who it is that God created me to be.  I am unique, I am flawed, and I am not for everyone.  But I wasn’t put here on this earth to fit in, and neither were you.  We were called to service in the name of our Creator, and each person’s mission is unique to them.  My purpose is to utilize my story to free others from the chains that hold them captive, and I intend on accessing every resource available to touch as many people as I possibly can.  Not everyone will choose to tune in to my blog and that’s okay, but if I am able to touch just one person and impact their life in a positive way, it will all be worth it. 

If I risk losing who it is I was, only to gain who it is I am meant to become, there is truly no risk at all.

May God Bless!

500+ for 50 – day 15: the body blow

When a fighter steps into the ring or cage, he enters knowing that the battle before him could very well be his last.  No matter how hard he has trained or how well he has performed in the past, there is always a distinct possibility that his opponent may have his number on this particular night.  So it takes a lot of courage, a lot of guts to walk into the arena willing to lay it all on the line.  That’s why fighters prepare for the inevitable adversity that lies ahead with training methods that push their minds and bodies to the brink of collapse.  They understand the risk of being employed as a warrior, and they’re prepared to handle the potential consequences of their profession. 

I find the resiliency of a fighter’s mind to be one of the most intriguing things that I’ve ever encountered.  I grew up in southeastern PA in the 1980’s.  And although I was just three years old when the movie hit theaters, Rocky IV became one of the most memorable flicks of my childhood.  How could you not love the Italian Stallion?  He was the definition of everything that is American…a simple, working class Philadelphian who was tough as nails.  Rocky was never the most graceful or physically gifted fighter in the ring but he was always the most determined and resilient.  It was not his talent, but rather his heart and will that carried him to every single triumph.  And ol’ Rocko could take a punch, that’s for sure.  You could not knock out the Stallion.  To do so, you’d have to kill him. 

One of the most powerful shots utilized in the ring or cage is the body blow.  It can turn the entire direction of the fight around.  Many fighters can manage the punches delivered to their head because the pain from the blows absorbed arrives instantly and then passes.  A potent delivery to the body however creates a delayed, menacing agony that only grows deeper as the fight progresses.  Even the most determined fighters have a hard time recovering from a devastating body blow.  Although the initial connecting hit to the midsection is rarely enough to drop the opponent to the mat, what the strike to the body does is encourage the opponent to drop his hands.  And this leaves his head open, clearing a path for the knockout delivery. 

Very few fighters have the mental toughness and stamina to keep their hands up when their body has been beaten like scrambled eggs.  The mind will naturally direct your body to drop your hands to your knees. And if you don’t hit the override button in your brain, you’ll only leave your frame open to further damage.  Your head will be left vulnerable and your midsection will be kept in harm’s way if you aren’t able to keep your fists near your face and your elbows tucked against your sides.  If you don’t react to the pain accordingly, you’ll open the door to far more devastating consequences.  And your opponent WILL knock you out.

Life’s a lot like this.  We can focus our will in preparation for the battles that lie ahead of us.  We can train day and night, developing our minds and bodies to sustain us whenever we encounter the inevitable obstacles that will arrive on the road to victory.  We can gain intimate knowledge of our opponent and we can work to perfect our skills in the ring.  But the one thing that we cannot do is avoid every strike that’s delivered in battle.  And from time to time, we will encounter the body blow that will threaten to turn the course of fight in the opposite direction.

Let me coach you from your corner…  This is not a time to let down your guard.  You need to absorb the pain and carry on with the fight.  I know that it hurts, but you’ve still got your feet beneath you.  There is still a willing desire in your heart that is anxious to carry you even now when your mind is begging you to quit.  So tuck your chin and set your fists tight near your face…align your elbows against your ribs…widen your stance…focus your eyes on your opponent…gather your composure…and KEEP FIGHTING! 

Your mission in life does not change because you encounter pain.  You need to retain the mindset of a professional fighter.  If reaching for greatness is a part of your job description, than you need to be willing to roll with the punches.  You’re going to get hit.  And every once and awhile you’re going to encounter a blow that threatens to change the direction of your journey, but stay the course!  Resiliency is everything on the journey to success.  Take it from Rocky, you don’t need to be the most skilled fighter in the ring to excel, you simply need to be willing to take the hits and keep moving forward.  If you can gather yourself after a devastating body blow, you can avoid the knockout punch and regain the momentum necessary to direct the fight back in your favor.

You know my favorite part of every Rocky movie is that turning point in the fight when you hear the bell toll and Rocky begins doing the unthinkable…fighting back relentlessly when he is visibly broken, bruised, and left for dead by every critic in the arena. 

I think I hear my bell tolling now… I guess it’s time to finish the fight. 

May God Bless!

500+ for 50 – day 14: dream killers

I’ve had several new beginnings throughout the course of my life.  So it should be no surprise to anyone that my blog is so aptly named Setback2Comeback.  I’ve ventured down some very dark and treacherous roads.  And I’ve lost myself in the hopeless abyss more times than I can remember.  But somehow I’ve always recovered, thanks be to God.  His presence has been the glimmer of light in the distance that has guided me out of the most troubling times in my life.  I will forever be indebted to Him for the grace that He has bestowed upon me in moments when I’ve allowed myself to be led astray.  Despite my best efforts to push Him away at times, He has never given up on me.  So I can’t help but believe that He has a greater purpose in mind for my life.  And that’s very comforting.

While I take pride in my ability to restore myself following periods of trial and tribulation, I know that this type of rollercoaster ride of recovery that I’ve been on cannot sustain itself forever.  If I am going to fulfill my purpose here on earth I am going to need to stop sabotaging my efforts.  Rebuilding is a tiresome process.  And my mission requires consistency.  So it’s critical that I form new positive habits by making committed efforts to advance both my mental and physical well-being.  Inevitably, adversity will present itself as it always does.  And I will need to be conditioned for peak performance when times get tough to ensure that I do not fall victim to the darkness that beckons.

I’ve found that it’s whenever I’m on the way to achieving something truly positive in my life through faith inspired action that I am tested the hardest.  And despite the fact that I consider myself a resilient and determined individual, I’ve failed those tests many, many times.  I’ve allowed the vulnerabilities within me to steer my wheels off course repeatedly and have been led back to feelings of insecurity, lack, heartache, and often times both mental and physical anguish throughout the duration of my life.  And my hard work has become at times nothing more than a sacrifice to the darkness which far too often finds a way to prevail over the light that so desperately wants to shine vibrantly from within my soul.  I routinely become a victim of the dream killer.

Dream killers are everywhere.  The world is filled with them.  And they come in a variety of shapes and sizes.  Because I’ve spent the better portion of my life getting to know them well through my own personal battles, I thought that tonight it might be useful for me to share a few of the more common varieties with you.  Perhaps then you’ll be able to more effectively identify their presence so that you can disarm them before they make their desperate efforts to lead you astray.  After all, you’ll want to stay on course with your life’s purpose.  Your light was meant to shine, and you can’t afford to waste away your days on this earth riding a rollercoaster of defeat and repeat.  Your time for greatness is now.

Here’s my list of 10 of the most common culprits that you need to be on the lookout for…

1. Insecurity – a tough nut to crack, insecurity leads to devastating outcomes as it manipulates the mind into obsessing over personal inadequacies that do not exist, causing individuals to close themselves off, resist change, and settle for far less than what they truly deserve and are capable of achieving.
2. Money – a tasty bait that’s hard not to take, money’s lure leads many dreamers to failure, tempting them with promises of comfort and wealth that could lead to either inaction or recklessness depending upon the vulnerabilities of the individual – money is not an adequate measure of success and its attainment should never be the sole mission of anyone, it should simply a byproduct of your hard work.
3. Fear – false evidence appearing real, fear is the ultimate dream killer because it can literally stop a man dead in his tracks as he involves himself with devastating irrational thoughts and emotions over perceived threats of danger or pain that have been elevated to emergency status by his manipulative mind.
4. Lack – the sibling of inadequacy, lack discourages the dreamer from getting started as he obsesses more over his present circumstances than the destination that he seeks, causing his imagination to be sacrificed to reality and ensuring that his journey never truly gets off the ground.
5. Critics – you’ve got to love them, critics are bound to show up, no matter what path you’ve chosen in exploration of your dreams, but you can’t allow them discourage your efforts – keep your eyes focused on the prize and let their cowardly attempts to dampen your spirits ignite a fire of motivation within that will carry you to new heights.
6. Negativity – self-directed or second hand, negativity is relentless in its efforts to disable the dreamer and it’s one of the most difficult threats to disarm – only by flooding the brain with positivity through visual and audio based exercises, meditation, prayer, and visualization can we outwit this monster – it takes a truly devoted commitment to expel negativity from your life.
7. Technology – a double-edged sword, technology can be excellent when put to effective use, but it can also be a major distraction that will be delighted to steer you off course in a heartbeat – if you’re going to do big things, you’re going to need to set your cell phone aside, turn off the TV, and spend a little time with yourself free from distractions – your personal development requires it, and your dream will thank you later.
8. Debt – totally evil in nature, debt makes every effort to limit the flexibility of the dreamer by holding him in financial custody, beckoning him to look back on his shortcomings rather than forward on the opportunities lying ahead that could lead to lifelong financial independence if he is simply willing to see his dreams come to fruition.
9. Busyness – an epidemic in our society, busyness robs us of our creative positioning as we become overly involved in rather meaningless activity often in efforts to postpone action directed towards the development and success of our most important commitments.
10. Judgment – a cruel reality in our society, judgment is something that we simply cannot escape no matter how hard we might try, so we’ve got to learn to roll with it – we need to accept the fact that some people won’t see the value in our dreams and that we might be labeled as crazy or flawed for our unconventional methods for achieving success – and that’s okay, because in the end there’s only one Judge, and He’s not of this world.

Beware, the dream killers will be waiting for you on your journey to greatness.  But fear not as you’re well prepared to ward off their threats to interfere with your success.  Don’t settle for the rollercoaster ride of defeat and repeat.  You can win this battle today.  There’s no need to waste a lifetime on setbacks and comebacks.  Your dreams await you – go take them.

May God Bless!

500+ for 50 – day 13: if you build it, they will come

When I was kid one of my favorite movies was Field of Dreams.  If you’re a sports fan of any kind, you’ve probably watched it yourself more than a handful of times.  The story follows Ray Kinsella, a farmer from Iowa on a remarkable, spiritual journey as he is guided by a voice from the sky to plow under his corn and build a baseball diamond on his property.  The direction offered from above is clear, “if you build it, they will come.”  The intended final destination of his journey however is a bit harder to decipher.  Ray follows with passion and faith a variety of cues that ultimately lead him to inspiring a game of baseball between a group of legends and lost souls from the game’s past.  And in the end, he reunites with his deceased father for a game of catch.  It’s a moving film meant to inspire the dreamer in all of us.  It reminds us that when we’re led by faith, miracles will always remain at our fingertips.

Whether we are willing to admit it or not, there is a little bit of Ray Kinsella in all of us.  Ray is representative of the innocent, childlike faith that we embody as children.  Such faith challenges conventional wisdom as it encourages us to follow our hearts and the guidance that we receive from above.  When we have faith like children we wholly trust that we will land at our appropriate destination so long as we simply believe and stay the course.  Unfortunately, as we grow older faith led action is found to be less and less acceptable by modern society’s standards.  The world forces us to become practical realists.  And our dreams often diminish and fade as a result.  Our lives become representative not of a divine plan, but rather of a worldly defined education.  It’s no wonder that we encounter the adversities that we do in life when so very few of us are willing to let go and trust in being led by something greater than ourselves.

I believe that society puts a ton of pressure on us as individuals to fit-in.  We are programmed to follow the crowd and are taught that there is an acceptable way for living our lives and getting ahead in the world.  We are encouraged to reach milestones at varying times in our lives, and if by chance we miss them, we are led to believe that we are falling behind the curve.  It’s all absolutely ridiculous.  Who was it that defined the present standards that we are expected to live by anyway?  And what on earth do those individuals know about us and how we were created?  Do they have any understanding of the purpose that God has defined for our lives?  Not a chance.  We are all unique and if we spent more time embracing that idea and remembering what a blessing it is NOT to fit in, perhaps like Ray Kinsella we’d be more receptive to following with faith the callings that we receive from the skies above.

When we make the decision to step outside of society’s comfort zone and embrace wholeheartedly the person that we’re meant to become, we’re going to be met with fears.  After all, we’ve likely spent the better part of our lives anxiously ensuring that we effectively meet the world’s standards for what it means to be attractive, smart, successful, etc.  So it’s natural that our efforts to let go will be met with resistance.  But it’s important that we remember one key thing.  There is only one voice of reason, and that voice does not come from the world, but rather from God.  And His power is limitless.  Those dreams that He’s shared with you, the visions He’s offered you, they may seem ridiculous to those around you.  They may appear completely unrealistic and unattainable.  But nothing is beyond the reach of our Creator.  God wants to inspire the child in all of us.  He wants us to dream and to trust in His ability to manifest all things.  When we do, miracles occur.

Many of us go through life wanting so badly to be liked that we never get to know who it is that we are.  We spend so much time trying to pass the test of others that we often miss out on our own opportunities for greatness.  And I believe that this is the result of deep rooted fears of loss and abandonment.  There is so much pressure on us to fit in in this world that often we conceal who it is that we really are and in doing so fail to release the greatness within us that has been inspired by God.  When our voice of reason calls from the sky, we turn deaf ears to the message sent because the responsibility to act accordingly feels too great for us to bear.  Better to be practical and stand still than to risk being led by faith and fly, right?  Wrong.

Take it from the late Nelson Mandela, “there is no passion to be found playing small – in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living.”  We are led to do more than simply blend in to the background of society.  I am certain of that.  And we need not fear being left alone when we reach for something unconventional or live openly a life that society may consider flawed.  When you become the person that God has created you to be, you will attract the likes of countless others who will share your passion for growth and faith.  He will surround you richly with a network of fellow believers that will inspire you along your journey and aid you throughout your personal transformation. So worry not if you need to pull a few weeds when you begin living anew.  You’re just repurposing the soil for some healthy seedlings to take root.

Do not be afraid to dream.  Do not be afraid to act on faith.  And do not worry, Ray, “if you build it, they will come.” 

May God Bless!

500+ for 50 – day 12: all hands on deck

When I was a young adolescent, I began developing behaviors that would have been labeled as obsessive-compulsive.  I was in about 7^th or 8^th grade when it all started presenting itself.  I remember first engaging some very irrational thought patterns which then led to intense, overwhelming fears that quickly began to take control of my life.  From the onset of my disorder, I knew that I truly would never experience life the same way again.  My innocence was lost.  I became a servant to my fears and began suffering silently in the shame of my actions. 

I’ve shared a lot of very personal things over the last several years in an effort to restore my life and inspire others to take the initiative to do the same.  But one of the things that I never explored in much detail was my obsessive compulsive disorder.  And I guess the reason that I chose not to offer a whole lot was because I was fearful of judgment.  There are a lot of negative connotations associated with mental health related illnesses, many of which I’ve challenged passionately through my writing.  But I guess even I felt that perhaps I had my limits…that is, until today.

The fears that spur obsessive compulsive disorder are absolutely debilitating.  When a person’s irrational thinking grows to a level of obsession, their actions start being driven in ways that the individual can sometimes even recognize as illogical, yet still feel powerless to control.  I can isolate two main fears in my life that led to the development of my obsessive compulsive behavior when I was young teen.  The first was my fear of getting a woman pregnant.  I became literally paranoid that somehow without even a bad decision on my part I would transfer my DNA to a female and impregnate her.  The second fear was a generalized anxiety stemming from worry about my own personal health.  I wasn’t afraid of dirt, so it’s not that I was a clean freak or anything, but I was very concerned about contracting and spreading disease. And I would obsess about the way that my heart would beat until I could hear every single tick in my head.  I was a hypochondriac.

I guess most psychologists would conclude that there is often a traumatic experience behind the development of such paralyzing fear.  As it relates to my personal situation, I can recall quite clearly that there were a few distinct experiences that led me to my ultimate paranoia.  But those experiences weren’t traumatic whatsoever in their own right.  It was my irrational thinking that distorted them into devastating turning points in my life.  Perhaps I had already given birth to the anxiety within me and it was simply waiting to present itself once prompted.  As a teenager, you begin to experience life in a whole new way.  There are a lot of unknowns, and many assumptions are made about right and wrong.  Giving my mind the wheel and allowing it to be the ultimate decision making authority proved to have tragic consequences in my development as a young adult.

When I was a teen, my fears caused me to create some pretty unusual patterns of behavior.  I’m sure that you’ve all heard about OCD and obsessions with counting.  I engaged in that for a short period of my life, flicking the lights on and off, turning the door handle, etc.  And at certain points I became so obsessed with germs, etc that I would use tissues when opening or closing doors so that I didn’t need to touch the knobs themselves.  I would wash things repeatedly…things that weren’t meant to be washed.  Or I’d throw things out that I felt had become tainted.  I remember having a stack of VHS tapes in my room all with missing covers because I had decided that they were unclean.  My parents probably thought that I was a mess.

I made every effort to hide my behavior from everyone.  What I was dealing with was personal.  I shared it with no one because I was so incredibly ashamed of my actions.  On the surface, I was a smart, athletic kid with the wind at his back.  I had to maintain that image, or someone might find out what I was dealing with and then I’d be seen as a complete fool.  The pressure began to become a real burden for me.  I was confronting fears that no 13 or 14 year old kid should ever need to worry about.  I was the victim of a manipulative mind, and I was heading down a destructive path.  It’s no wonder that years later I became the privileged recipient of a severe panic disorder.  I had been sheltering my internal torment for years.  No one can possibly hide that forever.

But that never stopped me from trying.  Even to the present day, there are things that I’ve been ashamed of and have kept hidden from those around me.  While many of my obsessive behaviors faded during my teenage years, one that I’ve certainly not been able to forfeit entirely has been my obsession with hand washing.  I’ve got to tell you, it’s a tough nut to crack.  I’ve definitely gotten better at lessening its impact over the years, but I’d still consider my habit a bit irrational at times.  And today, my hands are the product of many, many years of antibacterial soap raids.  They carry a bit redder tint than those of the average individual, and for years that has made me very uncomfortable.  So for as long as I can remember, I’ve hidden them.  You’ll rarely see me standing in closed quarters with my hands out of my pockets or not tucked behind my back or under my arms. 

I remember one year during high school, we had just returned from summer break and my Spanish teacher looked at me during class and said “wow you’re all red…you must have really gotten a sunburn!”  That was a devastating moment for me.  It was as though I had been caught, literally red-handed.  I was so embarrassed that I began feeling flushed to the point of panic and my whole head lit up in matching attire.  From that day forward, I began keeping track of the color of my hands.  Were they having a good day or a bad one?  Certain lighting would allow me to get away with keeping them exposed, while others would be better suited for pockets.  I had to be prepared.

As a professional sales executive who meets with many prospective clients under the bright lights of the board room, my paranoia about the appearance of my hands has been a challenge over the years.  I’ve found that when the setting is not optimal, my mind can grow a bit preoccupied at times even during a focused presentation.  So I’ve had to develop ways to channel my fears and literally put all hands on deck without the fear of judgment.

And I guess that’s my mission here this evening.  To let you know that while on the surface I might look and act the part, there’s a very flawed man hiding out in the pockets of my business suit.  And I’m okay with who he is, and if you’re going to be a part of my life well, then I guess you’ll need to be, too.  No one should need to be ashamed of who they are.  My hands carry the burden of a lifelong battle in mental health, and I’m proud of what they’ve accomplished.  They might be a bit harder on the eyes than most, but they still have the ability to change lives…and my hope is that that’s exactly what they’re accomplishing in the development of this blog.

You can’t change the world with your hands in your pockets.  Let them shine.  There is nothing to be afraid of in this life.  Fear the judgment of no one.  And let your pain be your purpose.  Even red hands can touch lives.

May God Bless!

500+ for 50 – day 11: the dragonfly

Back at the beginning of June, I decided to make a committed effort to getting my life back on track.  Although on the surface it may not have appeared that I had ventured too far off course, I knew inside of my heart that I was not a living representation of the person that I wanted to be.  I understood that many of my recent decisions had been based upon my fears and my own selfish needs rather than on what God had intended for my life.  And that left me feeling very conflicted inside.  I wanted to restore my closeness with Him.  I wanted to hear His calling again.  But I wasn’t sure quite where to begin.  So I started with something that has always served well when I’ve needed to clear my head.  I went for a run.

And on that run, I struggled at times to breathe as effectively as I had when I was better conditioned.  I could sense the toxic nature of my conflicted soul clouding my lungs as I reached deep for more air.  And as I turned around the bend on the second half of my course, I reached my hands up to the sky and begged for God to give me a second chance.  I pleaded with Him, committing to make every effort to get it right this time around.  And thanks to His intervention, I finished that day’s trek without stopping to rest.  My heart raced in my chest and my head swelled with anxiety as I attempted to recover, but in spite of my physical discomfort, I knew something special was about to begin in my life.  Day 1 of my journey back was now complete.

A couple of days later while on another run I encountered a dragonfly out on the trail ahead of me.  I remember feeling really inspired by its appearance.  I knew in my heart that it was the symbol of something meaningful for me.  I watched it dance around in the air before me as I strolled by and I smiled, knowing that God had blessed me with its presence for a very specific reason.  And as I sped off out ahead on the trail, I found that my legs suddenly felt lighter and my mind far more at ease.  Was it the dragonfly?  My heart raced with anticipation of the symbolism that I might find behind its presence.

Later that evening, I pulled out my phone and did a bit searching on Google in an effort to pinpoint the symbolic meaning of the dragonfly.  While different cultures around the globe have their own distinct views, the general accepted consensus is that the dragonfly is symbolic of transformation.  It symbolizes change, lightheartedness, and the invitation to explore the intricacies of one’s own being on the road to exposing illusions and developing authenticity.  Its presence is thought to call individuals to personal growth through joyful examination of their emotions and the expression of their true selves.  Is that why I felt such freedom in its presence?  Was the dragonfly symbolic of my own personal journey and transformation?

Whatever the meaning, I’ve probably encountered more dragonflies dancing in the sky around me during the last two months than I have in total over the course of my entire lifetime.  I see them very frequently on my runs along the trails in our community.  And this weekend while on a little staycation with my girlfriend, I had a dragonfly dart directly towards my head while I was in the pool at our hotel relaxing.  I had to duck under the water to avoid it.  Even today, as I contemplated writing this very blog, I saw a dragonfly dancing outside the window of our condo, and then later while on my way to take out the recycling, I encountered yet another.  Coincidence?  No, there are no coincidences in life.

So what is to be taken from the presence of this mystical little insect in my life?  The symbolic meanings attached to the dragonfly sure do serve to effectively describe the transformation that’s been taking place in me in over the course of the last two months.  And I’ve felt the hope and joy attached to their presence whenever they’ve appeared.  I don’t believe that anything shows up in our lives without having a reason for being there.  So my conclusion is that God placed them in my life as a reminder to me that something special is happening and that He is present in my restoration, every step of the way.  Perhaps they are His way of communicating to me that I am on the right path and that I should remain lighthearted about the process and trust in His plan.  One thing I am certain of is that I need his guidance, and He understands that very well.

Dragonflies come all in sorts of shapes and sizes.  Your dragonfly may not be a dragonfly at all.  It could be the presence of smiling children, or the gift of laughter.  Or maybe it’s the sun setting on the horizon?  God speaks to us all in different ways.  And we really need not seek a confirmation from Google with regards to the symbolism behind what inspires meaning in our lives.  I’m reminded of a quote by Albert Einstein that states “There are two ways to live, one is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as if everything is.”  Our perception determines the reality.  God is surrounding us with miracles every day.  We just need to be open to seeing them.  Imagine how many dragonflies I missed over the last 31 years of my life…it’s not that they weren’t there, it’s simply that I was too blind to see them. 

When you’re living an illusion, you miss out all the beauty that our Creator has to offer.  Like the dragonfly, from this day forward I hope to dance through life with joy in my heart and authenticity at the forefront of all that I do, because I want to be open to capturing God’s miracles that surround me…they are absolutely everywhere. 

May God Bless!

500+ for 50 – day 10: the one I’ve found

Last year my girlfriend and I took a leap of faith and followed our hearts on a move from our well-established roots in Pennsylvania to the great state of North Carolina.  And throughout the time that we’ve spent here, we’ve both found a lot of peace and happiness in our transition.  One of the most meaningful connections that we’ve made has been with our church which just so happens to be located at the corner just across the block on which we live.  I believe that there is a purpose for everything that occurs in our lives.  I don’t believe in coincidences.  God brought us to our home in NC for a very specific reason.  And it’s not by chance that we arrived in such an amazing community with a beautiful, welcoming church at its forefront.

Faith has become an absolutely integral part of our relationship with each other.  It’s the glue that bonds us when adversity threatens to get the best of us.  Thankfully, no matter our circumstances, we know that we have a shared commitment to our faith and that every Sunday at 7 PM, be it challenging conditions or the best of times, we’ll be there worshipping together.  We come as we are in fear of no judgment or condemnation, and God offers us his love, forgiveness, and guidance.  And in rhythm with the amazing people that make up the congregation surrounding us, we are set free from our burdens and united in peace and gratitude.  It’s a moving experience every single week.

Growing up I can’t say that I ever had a very intimate connection with my faith or my church.  It was not until I was reborn a few years ago that my relationship with God became the cornerstone of my life.  And it was not until we attended our first evening service here in North Carolina that I felt any type of spiritual bond to a church.  Our first night at Christ Church was an experience that I’ll never forget.  Tears ran down my face uncontrollably as I took in the music and prayer.  I never felt so welcomed and moved emotionally by a community of believers.  And I knew that night that God was there.  I could feel His presence.  It was beautiful.

Every week when we attend our service, I know that I could very well be blessed with the receipt of some type of new, profound message or direction from God.  So worship has become a very exciting experience for me.  I’m always anticipating the discovery of a unique perspective on life or faith.  And last week I was introduced to an idea that really struck a chord with me.  We were singing the hymn “Your Love is Strong” and the lyrics appeared on the screen “would you sell yourself to buy the one you’ve found?”  I recognized immediately that the question posed was one that God wanted me to explore in more depth, because it nearly sparkled as it caught my eye on the screen.  So I quickly grabbed a pen from the pew and wrote down the message so that I could spend some time thinking about its meaning throughout the week ahead. 

A little more than three years ago, I found my relationship with God.  And when I finally decided to let him into my heart, I was given a whole new perspective on life.  I had surrendered the failures of my past to Him in a desperate plea for forgiveness and restoration.  My life had reached its breaking point.  I had hit bottom, and I did not have the strength to continue fighting my battle alone.  So I reached out to God and told Him that I was ready to take responsibility for the circumstances of my life and I asked Him to do with me what He wished.  At that very moment, my transformation began.

I remember vividly the amazing feeling of a weight being lifted off of my shoulders that day as I stood in surrender to Christ.  On the brink of a total mental and physical collapse just moments earlier, I could not help but smile with joy the moment that God came to my rescue.  All of my fear and desperation turned to feelings of hope and renewal.  And I grew excited about life and about getting started with my transformation because I recognized that there was indeed a way out of the darkness and that I could and would return to the light if I simply followed His plan.  I was completely committed to the idea of selling myself to buy the one that I had found.

For the next year or so, I remained in close quarters with God.  And He spoke to me on a regular basis as I pursued His mission for my life.  It was beautiful.  I felt so blessed.  I took such pride in knowing that my Savior was directly involved and interested in leading me to the fulfilment of my life’s purpose.  It was difficult for me to truly fear or anticipate the worst in any situation, because I knew He was always walking beside me.  And with that knowledge, I could do anything without the fear of failure.  God does not fail.  He wins every battle, and He completes every mission with love and grace.  So I rejected the notions of the world that were not on track with my calling and ran with the guidance of my Lord.  He understood what was best for my life and my only mission was to do His will.

Unfortunately, over time the world infiltrated my course of action and my fears began limiting God’s work in my life.  I ventured off course to create my own pathways to success which more closely corresponded with what society considered acceptable.  And although I may not have regressed completely, I grew very motivated by money and the accumulation of things.  I became obsessed with the idea of living comfortable, not through God, but rather through financial security.  And I began making desperate attempts to achieve the comforts that I so badly desired, only to fall flat on my face time and time again. 

I was not going to be successful on my own.  I needed God, and I knew it.  Yet I somehow avoided that conservation with Him in my prayers throughout my day.  I’d ask Him to bless certain ventures or undertakings knowing full well that they ran contradictory to His plan for my life, and somehow I retained some peace in my mind believing that I still maintained my closeness with Him.  But that wasn’t the case at all.  I was hurting Him by turning away and taking the wheel, no longer allowing Him to direct the course of my life.  I knew in my heart that I was betraying Him.  And recognizing what He had done for me, the mercy He had on my life and the forgiveness He offered me…after all the sacrifices He made, I could not have been more off track with my actions.

God, if you are listening, I want you to know now that I am back.  And I’m sorry for drifting away and letting the world and my fears and insecurities get the best of me.  I’d give anything to start over with on our mission together.  I’m doing everything in my power to become the most healthy-minded individual that I can so that I can be the warrior that you will need for this journey with you.  You’re my everything.  Thank you for reaching out to me last week at church.  I’m ready again to sell myself for the one I’ve found.  I give it all to you.  Do with me what you will.  And please bless me with the strength to carry out your plan for the rest of my days on this earth.  Thank you for your mercy.   In Jesus’ name, Amen.

May God Bless!

500+ for 50 – day 9: be kind always

“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.” (Plato)

This quite famous and well published quote serves as the basis for one of the most powerful lessons that we can teach the youth of today.  Kindness should be offered at all times, to all humans and animals alike regardless of their assumed positions in society and the flaws that we might choose to perceive in them.  Compassion is not something that we offer simply to those who gain our approval, it’s meant to be given to everyone, freely.  Everyone has the right to be treated with respect and fairness.  We are all part of God’s perfect creation, and no one individual has the right to judge the life that another has chosen to live.  We are not in that person’s shoes, and we do not know what kind of battle they may be fighting.  What’s seen on the surface rarely reveals what’s going on inside or behind the scenes.  I know this because I’ve lived it.

A few years ago when I was in the grips of the most devastating anxiety that I had ever known, I became agoraphobic.  Life grew to be about nothing other than survival for me.  Everything was a battle.  Fear began limiting my life in such powerful ways that I began to feel incapable of completing even the most basic tasks necessary for my existence.  My comfort zone was small and rigid.  Really the only place that I felt capable of existing was within the walls of my 1,100 square foot apartment.  And even there, things were not by any means pleasant.  But I had sustained myself there, and I knew that I could somehow manage to make it to the next day if I remained at home.  So that’s what I did.  Venturing outside to do anything was an absolutely terrifying experience for me.  There were days that I couldn’t venture to the ATM a half mile up the road.  And there were even times when I didn’t feel comfortable walking the trash down to the end of the hallway or checking my mail in another part of the building.  It’s amazing what the mind will do when it’s ravaged by fear.

One the most difficult tasks for me during that period of my life was going grocery shopping.  I absolutely despised the idea of spending any amount of time there.  So it became an emergency only type of trip for me.  I felt horribly claustrophobic when entering the grocery store. My throat would close up, my heart would begin to race, my hands would get clammy, then moments later I’d find myself feeling lightheaded and I’d run out of the store.  And I didn’t feel strong enough mentally at that point to really challenge my fears, so I avoided the supermarket altogether and sought out an alternative means for restocking my pantry with the basics necessary for my survival.

Just up the road from my apartment was a Rite Aid store.  Certainly not an ideal place to do grocery shopping, but they did carry several of the necessities on my list.  And I knew that the store was free of crowds, and most importantly, that I could be in and out quickly.  But even with those perceived benefits in mind, Rite Aid would have appeared just as intimidating as any other store to me if it hadn’t been for the one incredibly kind-hearted employee that I met while shopping there.  I will never forget her, because she made my life sustainable.

I could not even tell you her name today, but I can remember vividly the smile that she offered me every time that I arrived in the store.  She was an older woman and she addressed me as she would have done one of her own grandkids.  She always called me “sweetheart” and engaged me in a short little conversation at the check-out register.  Little did she know that those seemingly simple interactions were likely to be the only face to face conversations that I would have with anyone during the course of the entire week.  And they were so very meaningful to me.  Because in those moments when we connected I felt like a normal, well-functioning member of society again.  She reminded me that not all was lost at a time when I found myself sincerely doubting my ability to ever again restore my life.  She gave me hope and she sustained me with her kindness.  And she never had any idea what type of incredibly difficult battle I was fighting, she simply led with her heart and in many ways, she saved my life.

Rite Aid became a bit of a comfort zone for me during the time that I dealt with agoraphobia.  Ultimately, it was clear that I would need to break away from feeling confined to a pharmacy for all of my shopping needs, but for the emergency survival situation that I found myself in during that period of my life, God sent me an angel.  He made a way where there wasn’t one.  And she made me feel comfortable and confident again.  I was able to restock my pantry and find the strength to begin challenging my fears.  And I’ll be forever indebted to her for her kindness.  I am certain that she has no idea the impact that she had on my life.

Hebrews 13:2 reads, “Do not forget to show hospitality to strangers, for by so doing some people have shown hospitality to angels without knowing it.”  Be kind always.  You may never know how profound an impact your simple act of compassion may have on someone’s life.  And like me, you may find yourself entertaining an angel without even knowing it. 

May God Bless!